During a very rare and precious moment of complete peace and calm at work, the ladies and I had a discussion on how long to wait before deciding to "color" with the person you are dating.
When are you safely out the "hoezone".
Hoezone (n.)
1. The time period in which you can share your nakedness with the opposite sex, without fear that he may never call back again.
2. The time period in which you are no longer, "that broad, some chick, this bitch, that girl I met" and you actually have a name, place and meaning in someones life.
3. The area between the bar and the dancefloor right before closing time.
4. The black couches in the back at any club, on any given night, after 12am.
and so on and so forth.....
Basically the "hoezone" is the time when you're uncertain about how the person you're dating really "views" you. Give up the cookies too soon, and you will forever be in the hoezone. Sure you can transition out of there, into "jump-off" zone. Perhaps go a few more places up into "possible short-term fling" zone. But it's nearly impossible to go from a "hoezone" into a "potential wife zone" without serious work and dedication.
The general answer to "how long should one wait before coloring" was "whenever the two of you are ready, and it feels right." Which is the wrong answer to tell someone who is as horny as i am. And who has a penchant for drinking a bit much.
That could potentially be an hour after meeting someone.
The second most popular answer was "About 3 months, and or 10 dates, whatever comes first."
Which conjured images of the 40 year old virgin, where he was literally crossing off days on the calendar...i just don't think that's a very mature or normal way to date.
One girl said that she waited 7 months before she gave up the goods. She is now married and pregnant, so I suppose it worked for her. But my vagina is very, very bitchy. I think if I was dating someone "steadily" for 7 months, and all I had was some dry humping and possible "heavy petting" my dry ass vagina would literally get pissed off and dis-attach herself. And I just can't risk that.
People like to quote "The Rules", and Steve Harvey's "book", and all this other "how to get a man" bullshit. But honestly, that shit is not worth the paper it's written on. I could literally, right now, write a 300 page book about the "Do's and Don'ts of dating." We ALLLLLLLL know them. Its common fucking sense.
1. Don't have sex before at LEAST 2 months.
2. Don't do any crazy shit
3. Don't act bitchy, jealous or insecure
4. Make him feel like the most amazing man in the world.
5. Be agreeable in disposition, but not a pushover.
6. Don't be too available...make him chase you a little....
so on so on and so fucking forth.
These rules are ridiculously easy to follow when you meet someone you don't really care too much about. Or are just dating because you "know" you should, i.e. the looks "good on paper" dude.
But when you really meet someone AWESOME. When you have a GENUINE connection. When there's lust and sexual tension and happiness and you get that feeling like you have known that person FOREVER. When they are totally head-over-heels smitten, all those rules take a backseat to your heart and your natural instincts.
And that is what gets you in trouble.
I dont really care though. My only motto in life is to be real. I'd honestly rather be a failure my entire life, by doing things that i actually BELIEVE in, then win a million shallow victories by "trapping" someone or being false.
Eventually all the shit you try to hide in the first few months of dating,is going to come up anyway. Rather just put all my cards on the table now, and save the arguments and drama that will end up destroying us in year 2 or 3.
Not to mention i'm too damn old to wait 7 months for anything.
God forbid we're incompatible in bed. Or he has a small penis. Or some other weird issue (extreme crookedness liable to tear out cervix...etc etc)
So i say, clear the hoezone, put in some work, have some kind of "exclusivity" convo, and then go for it.
Balls to the wall. Or to some other place on your body. Just go for it.
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