So I saw a Facebook comment today, that literally made me pause. It was just so wrong on so many levels. It was like 8 paragraphs long. It was written in all caps. It was terribly personal. And it just left me walking away from the page saying to myself...who really fucking cares? I mean..do you not own a cell phone?
I know you are all hype about the events from the night before...but this is not your personal blog sir? Nobody else cares? And then it occurred to me. Some people need to take a Facebook etiquette class. And so, obviously, who better than a FB/Twitter/Over-all general social networking addict like me, to provide a manual.
"I been in this game for years, it made me a animal
Its rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual
A step by step booklet for you to get
Your game on track, not your wig pushed back..." C. Wallace.
Rule Numero Uno:
Do Not Write in All-Caps: I mean I thought everyone knew this? Did it really need to be said?
Caps are to be used for emphasis only. For example "I know this b*tch did NOT just cut me off in traffic."
Or if you're generally very upset or actually "yelling" at someone. For example, if you posted a ridiculously inappropriate picture of me, my comment may be "WHAT THE HELL. TAKE THIS DOWN!!!!!"
But it is NOT to be used to leave a 4 paragraph long description of what dumb ass shit you did last night. It just hurts your eyes to read.
Which leads us to Rule #2:
Don't write more than 4 sentences at a time. I'm serious. Anything that happens in your life, can be summed down to 4 sentences. And if it can't, thats when you pick up the phone. Or text.
I mean there has to be a point, while you're typing away about some random nonsense that you think to yourself "hmm...this may be a tad long...let me just call this fool."
ANYTHING can be summarized in one line. Details are to be used for one on one convo's only. Not for the whole world to read.
For example: Wed night I had a ridiculously long (and hilariously funny) conversation about my feet. Which, admittedly, haven't had a pedicure yet. Therefore, to spare all innocent bystanders, I wore closed toe wedges (very cute btw).
So for about 28 minutes there was a global conference the likes of which the WHO has never seen, about pedicures,my feet, other girls feet, shoes, and on and on and on.
The next day I get this comment. " How 'bout them toes??? LMAO!!!"
PERFECT! That my friend is the example of a PERFECT summarization of a whole night. He knows I would laugh. And know exactly what he was talking about. Without going through the whole thing.
A bad comment would have been "Remember last night when we were are standing around talking about toes and then...and blah blah...and then that dude came up to you and was like what and then i was like...blah blaha blah"
NOBODY CARES.
WRAP IT UP.
So: to summarize: Rule #2, if the shit is longer than 4 sentences. Shut the fuck up you're talking too much.
Rule 3:
Do not give out all your personal life details. During that 4 paragraph message, I don't need to know anything about you that makes me feel like I know "too much" about you. You dig?
I dont need to know about your crazy baby daddy showing up.
I dont need to know about how you threw up all crazy the next day.
I dont need to know who you left with, who you talked to, who you slept with.
Just don't put your own self on blast.
The less people know the better.
You know your life. And your friends know your life. And unless you're like me, and have no social decorum, no one else needs to know your life lol .
Quite honestly, when I go to my friend's pages, I go to see what's up with THEM. I want to say hello (and possibly stalk) THEM. I don't need to fight through a barrage of long ass boring comments about you and your life and why you want to jump off a bridge.
Just do it. Spare us all.
Rule 4: Don't fucking tag me before telling me.
The worst feeling in the world, is when you're driving down the highway, having a wonderful day, and you get a notification that you've been tagged in a photo.
Then you have to try not to die in traffic as you view photo (always a bad one) and try to figure out how to un-tag yourself from your phone.
I dont even know how many times I've made my friends log in for me, so they could untag me. I mean it's just rude.
At least let me know pics are going up from last night. That way I could position myself somewhere near a computer,in order to quickly do damage control.
For example..I know there are some pics from Wed. night floating around.
I know that, after about 6 drinks, the last roll of film may NOT be the most flattering in the world.
And as soon as people get all tag happy, I will be there to clean it up.
It goes back to that whole "privacy" issue. No one needs to know who i was with, or not with. Who I was talking to. Or what my underarm fat looks like lol.
All those things must be hidden (in some cases). It's just polite.
Those are the big issues. The last 5 are pretty simple.
5. Just because we have "mutual" friends, doesnt mean I like you or want to be friends with you. My friends have suspect taste sometimes. It's not an automatic "vouch" for your character. You still need to send a note. Or see me out in person first.
6. Just because we used to date, the whole world doesnt need to know. Leave any messages eluding to "back in the day" or "Remember when we...." and it will be deleted. Build a bridge and move on. Don't go walking down memory lane in public, for all "new" people to get suspect of who I"m talking to.
7. You do not "like" everything. There is no freakin way everything someone updates is "likeable". I remember this one time,I posted something about wanting to jump out the window at work or something, and someone liked it. Really? You agreed with my attempted suicide? Thanks.
8. Facebook is not real life. Do not question me about an 'inside joke' left on my page. Do not get angry at me, if someone wrote something you deemed "inappropriate."
There are bigger issues to argue over. Any conversation that begins with "so i saw on facebook that you said...." I will hang up on you.
9. Don't try and holla @ my friends via my page. Request them on your own time. And ps, if I haven't already introudced you, I probably won't recommend you when you do.
10. Please. Above all else. If I am dating you. or vice versa. Please use your best judgement when "socially networking". Because as much as facebook is not real life. And as much as I will NEVER EVER bring it up. It does hurt a slight bit to see something that may be a little "suspect."
i'm not a jealous girl. But you know...sometimes...a girl just needs a little respect. Please suggest to some of your stalkers that it may be time to perform Operation Fallback.
Oh and that was the PERFECT set up for the next blog....holla
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