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::Drunk texting is the devils work::


I propose an idea.
I propose that my phone be equipped with a breathalizer.
Like a multiple drunk driving offender, that has to breathe into some contraption before his car will start...I am a multiple drunk text offender.
And I need the State to intervene.
For the safety of myself and others.

There should be some kind of sobriety texting exam I would have to pass before being able to use it after 1 am. Like a series of questions: as follows....

1. Christina, how many drinks have you had tonight? (i would lie of course and say one or two)
2. Christina, you dont have to lie. I'm your best friend. Now really how many drinks?
(i stopped counting after 4)
3. Ok then,Christina who are you trying to call?
(to which i would type in a name.)
4. Christina, do you think he needs to hear any fucking thing you need to say at 2 am? (yes. these are my thoughts and he needs to hear this.i dont care what time it is)
5. Fine then, if you're so insistent in texting your innermost thoughts to dude at this time and drunkness in the night, please compose an 8 sentence paragraph without misspelling one word and i will unlock the phone.

and then I would struggle. and fail. and my phone would be shut off until the morning.

But no. My so-called "smart" phone, is not that damn smart.

And I try and have that convo with myself, but myself is pretty biased and usually lets me get away with anything i want.

So there I go drunk texting like an asshole.
Professions of love.
Promises of commitment.
Questions about relationship status.
Snarky backhanded comments.
Taunting sexual innuendos.

Basic dumb shit that was probably lingering on my mind all day, but I (smartly) was able to push those thoughts aside.
It's amazing how liquor truly is a truth sermon.

The worst part of drunk texting, is of course, the next morning.
As you go through and painfully erase the texts you sent because they're so embarrassing to even re-read.
Sadly, deleting them won't erase the fact that they were sent.

Hopefully the person realized that you were drunk and ignored half of your remarks.
if not, you carefully craft an "apology" text once the hangover subsides, and hope it's accepted.
In either case, the words were said. (or written)and damage has been done.

For all my loyal friends and readers, I urge you to forgive the drunk texters of the world. We will start a support group and get help. But in the meantime,cut us some slack.

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