::Identity and Falsehood::

I've been having these ridiculously scary dreams lately. I wake up in a cold sweat, usually around 3 am, and immediately race to consult my "dream book"...which is this torn up ancient ass book I stole from my grandma years ago. It's so old that the type on the pages are starting to smudge together.
All the dreams have the same theme. They're all about "loosing my identity". Or "battling against falsehood." Lots of masks, robberies, and beheadings.
It's really fascinating stuff.
I consulted my doctor. I thought for sure I'd be able to get some prescription sleeping pills out of the deal at least. He advised me that the nightmares are coming from stress and anxiety, and that the pills would only add to that. And to not drink alcohol before bed. And to meditate and exercise and shit.
Which to me is the biggest Catch-22 i ever heard of.
I'm stressed, so I drink and worry. I get nightmares from the stress. So I can't sleep. So I'm tired. So I dont feel like exercising. Then I stress about NOT exercising lol. It's a whole process.

At the end of the day I love my dreams. They probably don't really mean anything. But what they do, is make me sit back, and think about what they "could" mean.
It forces you to reflect on the things that have happened during the week and how these dreams could be trying to tell you something.

And my dream goddess book is right. I am fighting against loosing my identity and falsehood. It's a daily struggle down here in the suburbs.
My biggest fear is that I'm going to turn into one of those suburban moms, who wear Crocs 24/7, and buy their clothes from BJ's, along with 62lb bottle of Tide. I am scared of mini-vans, sweat pants and coupons.

And at the same time,I envy these people. These people with families and stocks and homemade pies cooling off in the windowsill.
These people who have managed to achieve their American Dream of a white pickit fence.

People like me try to make fun of them, and mock their bad fashion and bad dye jobs.
People like me end up alone at 75 with a dope collection of stilletos i can no long wear because of my damn arthritis.