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::Halloween is for suckers::




Halloween is fast approaching.
Once again I'm stuck in the same dilemma. What costume to buy.
I don't understand why every costume for women has to be "hooker."
Instead of the actual word "hooker" they use "sexy".
"sexy nurse."
"sexy french maid"
"sexy firefighter."
"sexy police woman"
Have you seen NYPD uniforms? There is NOTHING fucking sexy about them.
They do not include fishnets.
And the handcuffs and gun and riot sticks are not pink and furry and covered in lace.

So then you go to a club in your hooker schoolgirl/milkmaid/devil costume, and the mayhem begins.
First of all, [and not just on Halloween but in general] what is up with white women getting all bi-sexual when they get drunk?
I'll never get that.
In order to get a man's attention are you really willing to resort to grinding up on your best friends ass.
Do you really think said man, will appreciate a long lasting meaningful relationship after he's seen you and your girl Susie rubbing your boobs together during some already overtly sexual 50 cent song?
Does he really think he's going to bring both of you home, after you begin smacking her ass to Britney's gimme more?
whatever. I digress.

So you're in your sexy crazy skanky outfit and you're trying really hard to be comfortable.
But there's just no way not to feel butt ass naked.
And the more drunk you get, the more that cheap polyester fabric that shit is made of, starts to sweat and stretch out and fall apart.
The fishnets inevitably gets a hole.
someone burns your hat with a cigarette.
you almost pee yourself trying to remove your costume after your 6th bacardi and coke.
and no matter how much you try, you will never leave the club, looking like whatever sexy skanky crazy costume you came in dressed up as.

And white men.
Why do you always use this opportunity to dress up as a black man?
What is that about?
I bet you I will see about 32 Flavor Flav's, 28 "gangstas", 16 "pimps."
And not to say only black men are pimps.
I'm sure there's a slim cracker somewhere uptown with a gang of hoes.
But I've never seen one.
And I've seen plenty.

Just be something normal for once. Not some ghetto stereotype.
Bring it up a level.
Be a McDreamy doctor.
Be an overly aggressive lawyer.
Be a constantly aggravated and pissed off accountant.
Be something you know how to be.
And, under no circumstances, should you ever use the "n" word. I dont care if you did come dressed up as Eazy E.
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