Skip to main content

::Death to LOL::


I'm done with the LOL. It's dead to me. The LOL is the biggest lie ever created on the internet. A bigger lie than those emails from your "cousin" in Africa who happens to be a king,and passed away and would like to send you a million dollars, if you kindly send your SS # and bank account information naturally..so the money can be deposited.
Bigger lie than eHarmony claiming they can find your true love in 6 months (they couldn't even find one match for me lol).
Bigger lie than all those penis enlargement ads, free diet pill gimmicks, and real estate schemes to buy acres of land in the Florida swamplands.

LOL sucks for two reasons.

1. Nobody laughs that fucking much. I dont care if you're Tom fucking Cruise. And you're all smiles and grins and high off of those Scientology Cosmo's laced with coke. You don't laugh out loud ALL DAY LONG. After EVERY sentence.
I'm the biggest abuser of the "lol" so I'm saying this, while also yelling at myself.
Most things during the day deserve a smirk at the most. Maybe a little chuckle. A big grin and a head nod. A little giggle inside your head. But hardly ANYTHING, ACTUALLY makes a motherfucker laugh out loud. Especially at home alone on your computer. Or at work. Or driving while texting on your cell. (well all do it, stop being a stickler for the law...eff what Tyra Bank says. I can name at least 5 more dangerous things to do behind the wheel of a car than text. And I think I've done them all at least once.)

Anyhow I digress. So LOL is a lie because you're not really LOL'ing. And that's just false.

The bigger reason while LOL is a lie, is because you use it to clean up ANY fucking inappropriate comment you might make via text/im/etc.
For example:
"Yeah you're kinda hot. But you don't have an ass like your momma. LOL"
- No sir. There is no LOL there. You clearly saw my moms ass, compared it to mine,and made a mental note that came out disguised in an LOL fog. LOL can't clean up that statement.

Or, (and these are actual texts by the way)
"Yeah you know...I still love you. I just regret we never had anal sex. LOL"
- WTF sir?? Flag on the play. Really? You think you can just clear up that disgusting ass demoralizing comment with an LOL? I'm sorry. That is just no excuse.

I'm so tired of it. I find myself doing this everyday.
I say something, semi-controversial. So I add a little "lol" at the end. So no one takes it too deeply.
Or I try to tell someone I miss them, and I throw in a "lol" to make it seem less "girly and emotional".

LOL is the virtual equivalent of being a doctor. Or a cop. Or a judge. It gives you ultimate carte blance in saying the most fucked up things in life, and not getting in trouble for it. Because you have a degree, and it's just "the way it is." LOL is the quintessential passive aggressive move.

LOL is the ultimate cop out. And I'm tired of it.
Man up America. You wanna be a prick? You wanna just blurt out random comments about my momma, his momma, someones momma? Don't hide behind the LOL. Just say it. If I actually laugh out loud in "real life" I'll text you back.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Love in the time of Kardashians

I miss the simple days of love. Where you met. You married. You had children. There were still the same problems. Alcoholism. Infidelity. Domestic Abuse. Recession. Death. Taxes. But it was all veiled behind fabulous elbow length gloves, and low-tipped fedoras. No one really knew what was going on in your home. No one dared question you about your husband. Or your children. Those were private intimate things. For better or worse that’s just how it was. Today we have the absolute extreme opposite. And just as damaging as it is to live behind veils and lies, its equally damaging to be too open. Too exposed. Too naked. This is the struggle I have within myself constantly. How to keep pieces of myself private and protected. But also allow myself the comfort and personal freedom that comes with being totally open and honest about my life. Its very easy to “put it all out there.” Between twitter and facebook. Foursquare. .Tagged photos. Comments. Replies. Innuendos. You can pretty much expos...
2 comments
Read more

::No More Mondays::

Sometimes you find yourself at work, and you're having a particularly bad day. Your boss may be taking out some personal issue on you. You might be having some back-stabbing co-worker trying to come after your position. Maybe some slanderous office gossip. Or maybe just that all too familiar feeling of your life and soul wasting away as you stare blankly at an Excel spreadsheet on your screen. Whatever it is,we all have that "when I leave this place" fantasy in our head. You know,that day when you finally walk around the office,tell your boss EXACTLY what's been on your mind the past few years. Perhaps give a few co-workers the finger. Or a few notes on personal hygenie or whatever you've been DYING to say. My "last day" fantasy went a little bit like this: Me walking around the office. Two Middle Fingers in the air. Doing the whole "you're cool, you're cool,you're cool, fuck you I'm out." from Half Baked. Then I would pack up m...
1 comment
Read more

::Little Gifts::

dis⋅so⋅lu⋅tion [dis-uh-loo-shuhn] –noun 1. the act or process of resolving or dissolving into parts or elements. 2. the resulting state. 3. the undoing or breaking of a bond, tie, union, partnership, etc. There has been a lot of dissolution this year. A lot of loose ends being tied up. A lot of things ending,and the resulting states it leaves behind. You tend to reflect a lot when something tragic happens...In this case losing my job right after my 30th birthday. A double whammy. Ive been reflecting about the past year. Which of course, leads to the past few years, which in turn,becomes basically a rundown of your whole life. if you are like i am (which you're probably not, you're probably fucking normal) you overthink everything. You think about it so much that you have it figured out. Down to its very core matter. Until it looses all meaning. Like a scientist. Who can look at a flower and tell you its exact genus and species. Tell you why its red. ...
Post a Comment
Read more