Skip to main content

:;Top Three Most Annoying Drunken Questions::

Theres no such thing as a dumb question. Only annoying, pointless, usually slurred next to me while standing at a bar waiting for a drink questions.
So. I thought I’d go ahead and answer them now. Please bookmark this blog in case you ever meet me one day and I walk away from you smiling with none of your questions answered.

1. What are you?
A woman. Pretty complicated. Some daddy issues I would imagine. Music enthusiast. Obsessed with fashion. Oh? You meant my RACE? Well if you want to know my RACE then ask me what my ethnic background is. Or just my ethnicity. Or something creative, like “you have a very exotic look, I cant quite figure out what race you are.” NOT “yo what are you.”
See Also: “you whatchu mixed wit cuz I know you aint white.”

2. What do you do for fun?
Spelunking. Dumpster diving. Drive-bys. I mean really? Could that question be any broader? Ole generic just sayin shit to hear yourself speak ass. Put some creativity into it!

3. Why are you still single?
Im apparently a frigid sexual partner with no cooking abilities and the propensity to set wardrobes on fire any given Sunday. Shit. I don’t know negro. But I know why you are. Breath mints save lives, and make babies smile. Try one. Or three.
See Also: “You where ya man at shawty”, or “You way too fine to not be married.”

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Love in the time of Kardashians

I miss the simple days of love. Where you met. You married. You had children. There were still the same problems. Alcoholism. Infidelity. Domestic Abuse. Recession. Death. Taxes. But it was all veiled behind fabulous elbow length gloves, and low-tipped fedoras. No one really knew what was going on in your home. No one dared question you about your husband. Or your children. Those were private intimate things. For better or worse that’s just how it was. Today we have the absolute extreme opposite. And just as damaging as it is to live behind veils and lies, its equally damaging to be too open. Too exposed. Too naked. This is the struggle I have within myself constantly. How to keep pieces of myself private and protected. But also allow myself the comfort and personal freedom that comes with being totally open and honest about my life. Its very easy to “put it all out there.” Between twitter and facebook. Foursquare. .Tagged photos. Comments. Replies. Innuendos. You can pretty much expos...

::Water Board Nominees::

People who need to be waterboarded I. The overly happy co-worker who asks “how you weekend was” with a huge grin first thing Monday morning, as you stumble towards the coffee maker. B*tch is my cup empty? Is it 8am? Fall all the way back. How are these people waking up so happy? Sex? Burbon? Anti-depressants? I need answers white America. II. People who answer the phone “yellow” without being the least bit ironic. Like, they seriously answer the phone that way. Because, that’s how they talk. III. People who pull out in front of you, and then proceed to go 36 mph. Are you kidding me Tokyo Drift? You were all in a hurry to cut me off and now you’re not even GOING the speed limit? IV. Keeping on the subject of asshole drivers, people that pass you by going 186 mph only to have to slam on their brakes at the SAME red light you are at. Again, I ask, really sir? This is not the Indy 500. This is a small highway in a suburbs with red lights. Calm it down. V. People named Mercedes. Porcha. ...

::Little Gifts::

dis⋅so⋅lu⋅tion [dis-uh-loo-shuhn] –noun 1. the act or process of resolving or dissolving into parts or elements. 2. the resulting state. 3. the undoing or breaking of a bond, tie, union, partnership, etc. There has been a lot of dissolution this year. A lot of loose ends being tied up. A lot of things ending,and the resulting states it leaves behind. You tend to reflect a lot when something tragic happens...In this case losing my job right after my 30th birthday. A double whammy. Ive been reflecting about the past year. Which of course, leads to the past few years, which in turn,becomes basically a rundown of your whole life. if you are like i am (which you're probably not, you're probably fucking normal) you overthink everything. You think about it so much that you have it figured out. Down to its very core matter. Until it looses all meaning. Like a scientist. Who can look at a flower and tell you its exact genus and species. Tell you why its red. ...