Dear Joe...

In my newly found "free time", I've begun going to the gym. Like regularly. And I must say, with my whole entire soul, I hate it. You walk in, with your little exercise gear on. iPod all ready to go with some fantastic playlist. Sneakers laced. Boobs being suffocated by the most inhumane contraption on Earth known as a "sports bra" (which, always, ALWAYS gives you uni-boob) and you just look around and shake your head. At any given minute, on any given day, you can find the following people at your local gym. I. Annie Anorexia: She weighs in as soon as she arrives. All 86 lbs of her. She goes super crazy Sonic the Hedgehodge speeds on the elliptical. To the point where you want to give her a hug, and tell her to slow down. Life will be ok. The machine didn't kill your mother. You don't have to punish it so. And then she jumps off and weighs herself again. And works out. And weighs herself again. And on and on ad nauseum. Until her, and her bony ass final...

dis⋅so⋅lu⋅tion [dis-uh-loo-shuhn] –noun 1. the act or process of resolving or dissolving into parts or elements. 2. the resulting state. 3. the undoing or breaking of a bond, tie, union, partnership, etc. There has been a lot of dissolution this year. A lot of loose ends being tied up. A lot of things ending,and the resulting states it leaves behind. You tend to reflect a lot when something tragic happens...In this case losing my job right after my 30th birthday. A double whammy. Ive been reflecting about the past year. Which of course, leads to the past few years, which in turn,becomes basically a rundown of your whole life. if you are like i am (which you're probably not, you're probably fucking normal) you overthink everything. You think about it so much that you have it figured out. Down to its very core matter. Until it looses all meaning. Like a scientist. Who can look at a flower and tell you its exact genus and species. Tell you why its red. ...

Sometimes you find yourself at work, and you're having a particularly bad day. Your boss may be taking out some personal issue on you. You might be having some back-stabbing co-worker trying to come after your position. Maybe some slanderous office gossip. Or maybe just that all too familiar feeling of your life and soul wasting away as you stare blankly at an Excel spreadsheet on your screen. Whatever it is,we all have that "when I leave this place" fantasy in our head. You know,that day when you finally walk around the office,tell your boss EXACTLY what's been on your mind the past few years. Perhaps give a few co-workers the finger. Or a few notes on personal hygenie or whatever you've been DYING to say. My "last day" fantasy went a little bit like this: Me walking around the office. Two Middle Fingers in the air. Doing the whole "you're cool, you're cool,you're cool, fuck you I'm out." from Half Baked. Then I would pack up m...