So as I sit here, in a fab silk nightgown, drinking a Mimosa out of great crystal glasses, with a fresh manicure and pedicure, hot rollers in my nicely highlighted hair, it dawned on me, its hard being a woman.
In my next life i want to be a man. A fat, sloppy, hairy, sarcastic, filthy rich man with a huge penis.
I don't want to shave. I don't want to go to the gym. I dont want to do anything. But buy some hoe a bunch of Gucci and then lay in bed while she handles the rest. Perhaps with a drink in my hand while she works her ass off to please me. And then afterwards never call. That's my dream.
There is so much pressure required of women. I have to be a great cook. I have to keep my house in top-top condition. I have to work and be financially independant. I have to be pretty. Hair, nails, clothes must all be on point. I have to be smart. Charming. I have to be amazing in bed. And I must above all things, keep a man.
Which requires I stuff myself into stilletos and maid costumes. And come home after a long day, and be ready to put aside all my tiredness, and gripes, and bitchiness (to not appear to be nagging/complaining)
I call bullshit.
What exactly is expected of men? I dont ask him to put on a football uniform and pretend to be Reggie Bush during sex? I don't ask him to cook or clean. Because obviously that's "womens business." I dont ask for money, because then I'd be "a golddigging whore."
So basically, as Kat Williams so eloquently says it, he just presents the same penis night after night. And I'm expected to just be content with that.
In a world where there are way more single and available women who are all too willing to do everything it takes to get married, then there are actual men to marry...the playing field has gotten all kinds of sloppy. And the older us women get, the more value we are loosing. How can i be expected to comepete with a 22 year old still in school, who has NOTHING but time on her hands. To go tanning. Get her hair and nails done weekly. Wake up for the gym early every morning, because there's no boss to report to. Splurge on expensive clothes because she's still living at home. I mean...honestly...its a loosing battle I'm in here.
To the point where, men are just expected to A. Have a job. B. Not cheat and C. Not beat us.
Those are pretty low expectations. And I'm pretty jealous.
That's why I would like to be a man in my next life.
Plus I want to be able to say "suck my dick" one day in a fit of road rage.
Men rule.
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