Dear Joe...

So as I go throughout my workday...walking around the office, picking up little bits of gossip, flirting with the cute young interns, stealing peoples snacks out the fridge (no name can't claim) I started seeing all these signs posted around. Most of them were the usual "Emergency Family Leave" laws, and the often used "If you tinkle when you sprinkle please be neat and wipe the seat." Nothing really out of the oridinary. Until last week. I don't know if there was a sudden change in universal planet alignments, or just my extreme boredem made me venture out into new rooms in this office, but all of these hilarious signs began going up around me. I'll put up just a few of my personal favorites. It's the little things in life that keep you going folks. Enjoy the small gifts. "Notice" (found taped on the door of someone's office.) However...having said weapons, guns or knives are perfectly acceptable before/after being in the office. Very ...

“Wait wait…but did I look pretty? I mean, it is 4 a.m. Did my outfit hold up?” C.G. “You’re wearing an animal print. You just immediately sh*t on everybody in there. What is more fierce than that?” E.L. There’s just something to be said about animal prints. Season after season you see little blurbs about them. Being “in” one year…”out” the next. Forget that. There is nothing like wearing (tastefully) the print of a jungle animal lol. It will instantly “sex up” anything. But beware. There is a fine line between looking “fierce” and looking like Peg Bundy. I have a crazy obsession with zebra print myself. And this season, there is no lack of it. I admit that I overdosed a little bit this year. From my blackberry case, to my “cigarette” holder, its hard to find me out without a little bit of grrranimal on me. I guess it’s pretty much the only pattern that matches my personality. Loud as hell and fun. But for those a little less “daring” animal prints are a quick easy way to spice up any o...

Last night my friend spent about 36 min trying to close his sunroof before it started to rain. The amount of sheer sweat and determination this took was astounding. I literally had to get out of the car and wait, for fear that some foreign object might dislodge from the roof and hit me in the head. It was so tragic it was hilarious. As we finally got the 20 year old sunroof shut, we drove off. Only to find a man, who weighed about 350lbs, fall off of his bike. His Wawa shopping bag (no doubt holding the contents of a juicy meatball sub, and diet coke of course) spilled all over the place. The sight of this man, on the side of the road. I tried so hard not to laugh. But how can you not. Life is full of these little tragedies. These little things that help you get by. Like the man this morning who ordered scrambled eggs and pancakes. With a lisp. This huge construction worker, ordering breakfast, with such a small tiny little voice. It was pure comedy. Not pure comedy: Bruno. Which seem...

So I have an admitted obsession with New York City. I guess it began when I used to skip classes in H.S. to go to central park and rollerblade. There was just something so liberating about it. So free. I remember being 17 and packing up my little gold Ford Escort with all my clothes in garbage bags, and tons of poetry and journals and books, and moving up there. For the first week I sat at this little coffee shop in the east village literally drinking espresso until my head exploded while “people watching” and writing naïve little poems. I had little index cards tucked in my journal with subway directions to all of these places I’d read about. Obscure poets homes. Cute little designer boutiques. Places to get the best pizza. Walking around the city with no make-up, no heels, a cute little suburban bob and floral skirts, I felt like I had finally found my little place in the world. I had a boyfriend who was a male model/stockbroker/overbearing control freak. But we were happy for the mo...

A funny thing happened in a drunken state Tuesday night. Well not so funny at the time. In fact, I quite literally almost lost my mind. My beloved blackberry fell victim to an overturned Long Island Iced Tea. Extra Long. At the time, I was way more upset about the spilt drink. Just assuming that my often abused crackberry would just bounce back like every other time before. Like an extreme fighting champion my phone has been through sh*t that would rival a steel caged match. Thrown against: sidewalks, walls, dashboards, other people. Dropped down: elevator shafts, out cab windows, down toilets. And every single time, like the true champion it is, my phone has shaken it off and come back for more. But alas, the final downfall was the sugary mix of liquor. My phone, like us all at some point, just couldn’t bounce back from the damage done after a few too many drinks. Like a meth addicted spending his first night in a strange hospital bed ,I spent the whole rest of the day lost. Twitching...